I just finish reading the notes that accompanied an oil painting of one of my favorite artist. It read "... An unshakable strength drives her from within..." and while it sounds very real and romantic. I thought of myself. Am I a strong woman whose strength is unshakable ? or am I a weak woman with shakeable strength?
And an instant response came to my head. My strength has been shaken more times than I would like to admit. My strength has definitely been shaken, but does that mean i am not a strong woman?
Or does that make me braver ? because I've been shaken so many times, my strength has been put to the test so many times, and so many times I have failed, so many times I have fallen in the ground, so many times my heart has been broken ( and not only romantically, but just mean things that humans do to animals, plants and earth in general break my heart) yet I glue it back, I rise again and again and bring myself to the door again to start a new day.
IT all sounds so romantic.. hearts broken and repaired, or people falling and getting up. But what is the point? why are we here ? what drives us? what drives me?
If we keep asking yourselves why do we do things we might end up going around and around without a concrete question or answer for that matter ...
Why do I keep going despite it all.
The note on the painting continues" .. Her confidence abounds.... " and I think to myself: "damn... I wish I was her... I wish my confidence abounded ..." but it doesn't, I am a regular common woman, with a bunch of insecurities, that come from within and from the outside ( not like it matters where they come from ... when you feel insecure about anything you feel insecure, no matter what you really are , look like or skills you actually posses. The feeling is still there) ....
Confidence. What does that even mean.... I might have known the feeling when I was younger... but to me it was a false sense of security.... that drove me nowhere.
I actually do know in theory how to boost your confidence. But where do you find the strength to do so? that is the tricky part !
Not all is lost, not all is bad or pessimistic, there are great things in this life.