Childhood - Past or Present II

In my experience this exercise of revisiting the past, and  more specifically, my childhood events has free me.

When I  was very young I felt very powerful and powerless at the same time.

I believed that I could do or have anything I wanted just by focusing, and while I was a very successful creator, there were always things that would not come out as I wanted them.   And this would frustrate me so much.  My feelings were very strong. I am a very passionate woman, and as a child I was a wild passionate girl.

I also believe that ... that passion I had was the creating force within me. So I would create beautiful things, but little by little I learned that I am not in absolute control and that I do not create everything.

Whenever I was in a situation that I didn't like, I would feel really bad. The emotions were unbearable. I would cry or throw up due to helplessness.

I am a very different person now, from what I was when a child.  If you knew me, you could see how different I am, my actions, reactions and just the way I am in general.

Of course there are certain traits that I still posses, but way more refined, I like to think.

I was very closed minded, and some times I feel like I went through the things that I went through in life to open my eyes.  I used to think of absolute truths.

I hated not being independent. I hated having to obey my parents. I hated being treated like a child. I always felt like an adult. I was smart, why were they treating me like I was not smart?

I wanted to be an adult. To be free and to do what I pleased. I wanted t hear smart conversations, I wanted to learn about politics, I was very passionate about what my dad thought of  the economy.  I wanted to be rich and I wanted to live in New York. I could see my future very clear as if it had already happened. I saw my future with certainty and clear as water.

I knew I was going to be a marketing professional, even when everybody else though I could be the perfect lawyer.

Then I started growing up. I started changing my perception. I actually do not know exactly when or how I started changing my mind.