How to begin ?

How to explain a feeling? Or describe a feeling?

I will try my best.

Actually even at this point, i am not sure what will come out. But I want to open myself and allow the flow through my fingers.

If I think about it, it gets weird.

I will start telling you about my journey.

I started walking looking for something. I did not know what I was looking for, but there was a strong force urging me to walk, to follow this path.

So I did! The more I walked the more clear I could hear my thoughts, the more I walked the more I separated from the rest of the world.  The path started getting more isolated every time.... and then... a lot of people.

Had I reached another city? another realm ?

Maybe another realm. It did not feel like earth anymore.

All of a sudden I arrived. There were more people. some where helping me. Even though I did not ask for help.  Then other two women appeared to the same place. They were there to see you too.

WE "got ready to see you" I can't remember very well, but we had to do "something" to be ready to see you. I believe I changed my clothes. I was wearing a dress that fit a bit tight, but it was OK. IT was blush color, like everything else in that place.  Everything was the same color. like a twilight hue everywhere.  Have you ever seen those wired afternoons where everything turns a  blush color ?

The other two women were ready, they were waiting to see you. I was ready as soon as I change my clothes into the provided dress...

All of a sudden there was a bit of commotion and the other two girls dissipated.   I was there.. Outside... not even knowing or understating where I was. I knew I was going to see you, but I did not understand why?

I haven't seen you since we were kids.  I actually cannot remember the last time I saw you. I believe we were in elementary maybe 2nd grade ? I do remember vividly that someone from your family passed away and we all went from the school to the funerary home  (walking) to see you.

I also remember that I did not know what I was going to do when I saw you...because I have the same feeling just now. I want to see you. But I do not now what to expect or what to tell you.

And just like that last time I remember seeing you, except that this time we look our age. We are 38 now. You look exactly like the 38 year old version of yourself.

When I realized that you were there, no words were necessary.   I feel peace. You are at peace and so am I .

You hugged me, and I hugged you back.

Your hugs feel so good.

I do not know how long its been, so I try to make sense of time. 

So you hold me for a split second more and then release.

We stand in front of each other. Looking at each other. Connecting without words.

EVERYTHING IS OK ... but I am sad.

There's sadness in my heart... and there's sadness in your heart too.

There's also acceptance and resignation.

We look at each other again.. we stand in front of each other. and then....

You are gone.

I realized that is what I was there for.

To hug you, or to get your hug.

Suddenly I feel lost. I am again in the middle of an open space where people come and go.

I don't know how to go back, I do not know where I am at and where is the road that took me there. So I look around.. and realize that there are hidden doors everywhere.

A lot of people come and go from that place.

It;s actually a really busy place.

So I choose a closet door that has another door inside and when i take it I come back from my dream.

It's been 17 years since you left.

But you are present in my heart just like before when you were here.

I will never forget you. I am also here for you.

I love staying in touch.

You can always reach out. We are here for you.

So long my friend.... until the next time.