Jealousy - The train of thought

When I think about jealousy I usually think about love related issues.

In this case I want to talk about when we are jealous about someone else's life.

Sometimes I think " It must be nice to be in this person's shoes" or "I wish I was that pretty" or "Someones life must be so nice since they have this and that "

And I can give you very specific examples of my personal thoughts.

It must be a nice life for Leslie Mann, she is beautiful, she is married to a film maker, she is an actress, she has beautiful daughters, seem pretty healthy and wealthy.   I am jealous.

Then I start thinking how would my life be if I was like her or if I was her. How would my life be different.

I would have a "more comfortable " house. I would probably be able to eat better, have help, cleaner house, more social events, more friends, more time to myself and to do the things I like doing, more time with my family, more resources for vacations, more resources for hobbies, more time for my physical appearance (Excising, eating well, more facials, better products, more resources to buy clothes that favor me and my figure).

The next wagon on my train of thought is  to look for a bad or a negative aspect, so I can feel like I do not want that after all, or to justify why I am not pursuing that.

And the thought usually goes like this :

Well, she probably doesn't see  her family that much because she is working so hard acting in the movies.
With all the social events she would not have enough time to see her family.
She wouldn't have enough time to spend with the family because she has to look good so more time at the gym, in the facials, and fittings and more.

She has so much pressure to look pretty, because to be successful in Hollywood you have to reach certain standards.
She probably has to trust people to watch her children and drive them around.
She probably has super big expenses and a lot of pressure to keep up with the lifestyle.

Compared to her friends she probably is working while the other rich women in Hollywood are just meeting for coffee, going to yoga classes or simply indulging in free time.

You get the idea....

And then the next wagon on the train of thought is :

Why do I want to justify my not having what I think I want to have?  Why do I have to come up with negative to what I think is positive.

And I think this is my personal block that keeps me from moving forward.

Maybe a more healthy approach would be:

What I am jealous of?

What would that be translated to my life?

What can I do to attract more of that ?

For example:

I am jealous that she is so pretty.  Why is that something that I want ?
If I am prettier, I would have a better paid job. Why is that something that I want ?
If I have a better paid job I would have more money to hire someone to clean my house. Why is that something that I want ?
If I have someone to clean my house I would have more time for myself.Why is that something that I want ?
Because I feel good when I have more time for myself to:
1. Spend with my child and husband
2. Spend reading a book
3. Spend painting
4. Spend at the gym
5. Spend creating something.
6. ETC.

What can I do to attract more of that :

How can I spend more time with my child and husband.
When we are at the house, I try to clean the room where they are at, instead of cleaning a different area of the house.  That way we spend more time together.

For example, if they are hanging out in the bedroom, I go there and fold laundry or arrange my closet, or arrange the bookshelf etc ( I would try not to vacuum or do things that are too noisy so I do not disrupt the atmosphere).  Often times when I start cleaning something my husband  and my child will join  and start cleaning as well, or at least he ( my child)  will try.... sometimes it gets more messy, but its definitely more fun.

Sometimes after this thought process I feel like I really do not need anything else in my life because I have everything ( or all the resources to pursue what I think I want to be happy) and when I boil everything down at the end of the day I have what I want or need to be happy.

Other times I realize that I want something more and then I can focus my  thoughts, feelings and energy towards that.

For example.

I want to be prettier to feel better.   I think this other person is prettier because she has more time to go to the gym.   Do I go to the gym in the time that I have. So I realize that I have more opportunities to go to the gym that I am taking advantage of. So I focus my energy on that and make it happen.

I schedule certain days to force myself to go to the gym .

At the end of the day ... or at teh end of the traing of thought I alwasy come to the same conclusion... what I am always looking for is an intangible thing... What I want and what "drives" me is a feeling .

I want to feel good.

I either want to feel good about myself,  accomplished, happy, etc... and those feelings are usually the result of an action.

I feel pretty, because I ate well etc...

I believe the more we consciously work on something... the better we feel about our situation.

I hope that this article helps you too to focus your energy on what you want and help you transform an "unwanted feeling " or a "negative" feeling into a "positive one.

and I am using quotation marks because its my believe that there are no bad feeling sor good feelings or bad/ negative thoughts and good ones.

All thoughts and all feelings are part of the same ocean with waves going back and forth . And we probably couldn't have one without the other.

Please leve me your thoughts !