I am sure all of us have seen the movie, or at least know the concept of the mean girls.
I always thought that was a stretch. That people would not be mean.
That girls would not be mean to other girls.
In my idealized world, I always thought that everyone was my friend.
Until recently that, I look back at my childhood and remember certain things that realize that some girls were in fact mean.
I always thought they were saying mean things to me because they were jealous, because they wanted to be like me or because other people might had been mean to them and they wanted to pass on the hate. In addition, I still think that ... but they were mean nonetheless.
Had I not been so confident or deluded in my world, it could have affected me. However, it did not! So I am happy about that.
Now that I am older, don't even thing about those situations... mean girls.... I am not a girl anymore so that does not apply to me....
Or does it?
Lately I have noticed my own behavior, words and thoughts.
To my surprise... I would describe myself as a mean girl.
What happened to me?
I notice that I do not like some people. That I have to make an effort not to talk bad about them or complain about them. That I do not like them, not for a specific reason, but just because.
I also noticed that I used to be very inclusive, trying to make everyone get along with everyone, and even if they did not ended up being friends; at least they had "friendly" behavior towards each other.
I would go great lengths to show one person why the other person was acting in a certain way and shine some light so at least they respected each other.
Now….. now, it’s different.
Now I do not care.
Now, if I do not like someone, I do not try to see the "good" in them, or the "possible reason why they are a certain way". I just accept it that I dislike them.
I also leave people behind or aside. If I am having a conversation with someone else and they tell me that this other person is stupid, or ridiculous, or complain in general, I do not try to change their mind.
If I am having a conversation with one person, I do not try to include another even if I know the other person is feeling left out.
What happened to me? What changed me?
Is one way of being better or worse than the other is?
I do not know. I just notice how I am right now.
I think if that person who does not feel comfortable or adequate... he or she can work on their own.
I do not think something in particular happened to me. I just thing it has been a gradual change where I stop doing work for others.
I still do not know how I feel about my new realization....
Nevertheless, whatever the feeling is... I always respect it and honor it.
I am always growing and expanding.... I think it’s also involuntary and that is the natural course of life...
It is and that is all there is to it.
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