Fear to like it

I was afraid.

Afraid to realize that I have power.

Afraid to get what I was asking for.

When I was little, I almost always got what I asked with my heart.

Things that I really wanted to happen would happen. But it usually was things that I was sure I wanted.  Then with time I started realizing that even when I would get the things I "wanted" sometimes it did not make me "feel" the way I wanted to feel.

So I started being a little more observant and more detailed on my wishes.

Then the more attention and the more control I wanted to have over my wishes the more messy it all started getting.

Sometimes it got really messy where I didn't even know what to wish for.

Then I got paralyzed. Not wishing... just taking.... just observing, just trying to observe.

But it got boring.... that is not how we are supposed to live life. At least not me... not my life. I know I am here to experience, experiment, try, learn.. get my hands on and dirty.

So I started wishing again... I started wishing "Feelings" less control, less details... more like wishing a flow in life.

Our situation has changed.... in the world... in general, for many of us.

Whatever you believe in your situation probably has changes in the last months.

There is fear to change, fear of the unknown, fear of getting out of the comfort zone.  But there is no room for anything else.

There are no options, even if we do not want to change, our environment has changed. The people around us has changed and our situation has changed.

We can yearn for "normalcy" ... we can "wish" for all to go back to "normal".... But why would we do that when we can wish  for this opportunity to be a stepping stone for better, for a good change... to start a new "normal".

When I was told that we were going to start working remotely from home temporarily... I thought maybe two weeks.