2021 is here, but my will to live it is not.


Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels

 Eleven days in 2021 and I still haven't found what my goals will be for this already running year. 
Usually, I have an idea by the end of he prior year, while I asses the year and look at my old goals from January.

This year I found that I could not find my goals for 2020! 
More shocking is the fact that I can't remember whether I wrote any. 

I think I might have wanted to be a better mother, better wife, read more, step up my flamenco moves.. but I can't know for sure since I did not write anything on my agenda. I also did not write anything on my notebook. I checked other notebooks to see if maybe I had written it somewhere else. 
( Yes, I have many notebooks: One for dreams, one with lists of things I want, titles of books I want to read or songs I love forever, etc. ) 

With that said, either I unconsciously knew that 2020 was going to be s#it, or because it was s#it I did not care to follow up. 

And to be honest, 2020 was not s#it at all for me on a personal level. I am very grateful for 2020. 

Its hard to recognize and be grateful for something that was really good for you but may have been really bad for others. 

How can I celebrate more time to spend with my family when others lost part of their immediate family? 

How can I be grateful for a new home when others lost theirs? How can I be grateful for an awesome job when others lost theirs and so on. 

But I am. I am grateful for all the awesome things that happened to me and my immediate family and friends this year. 

I personally feel benefited from the events of 2020. I got challenges that made me stronger and see myself in a new light. Those challenges made me feel more fulfilled and alive.  I also benefited from extra time.  45 min commute (due to traffic) was a gain. I could stretch in the mornings and have breakfast before I sat in front of my computer. 

I could eat healthier fresher meals at home than I could ever eat at the office. And for the sake of taking a real mental break from the office I was going out a lot to eat lunch which meant less healthy meals and more money spent. ( But less work too, no prep time and no dishes)

I also had time to spend with my child, I see him grow more closely. I think this happened to my at the best time of my life. 

My son is not too old  and not to young.  He gets entertained by himself, but not too bored to be home all day. 

I do remember wanting to read more or at least to hear more audiobooks.

So 2020 was a great year, but I did not plan it that way.  I ended up listening to more audiobooks because I had more time at home. Other goals fell apart completely. I totally thought I would keep up my flamenco study, and I did not. I would not even do the warm up. Which is the part that I feel comfortable doing on my own.... LOL! 

So here I am, January 11, 2021 With yet one more blank page on my beautiful planner that I bought for this year.  

My mind blank.....

I know what I want to do, but where to start? And once I put it down in ink.... I know I better stick to it. 

"Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true!"  The origin of this saying is Aesop's Fables, the world's best known collection of morality tales (circa 260 BC).

 It might come true. I can wish anything.. I can have anything... the universe is my catalog... where to start. 

Start with what is dear for you. What you already have. Write it down to water it, care for it and keep it. 

Yourself, your wellbeing. Your family. Your work or what you bring to the world. 
Start writing down what you appreciate and that will be the way.